I’ve been feeling very anxious lately about my future. Long story short, I am in a job and a city that I despise and something has to change, but finding somewhere appropriate and making sure I’ve still got some form of income is proving rather stressful for me.
Some people would not have a problem at all with this kind of thing, but for me, my anxiety is going into overdrive and telling me to stay where I am; that it is easier to stick with what I know and what I am comfortable with, even if it doesn’t bring me happiness. And anxiety is often very persuasive like that!
Yes, I have ambitions of writing full time and maybe having my own little business, but anxiety doesn’t care for that. Change is too much for anxiety and likes to make me think that my ambitions will never happen. As a final tactic, anxiety appeals to my innate laziness, throwing me off track as I choose to do nothing over something.
I’m trying to be stronger than my anxieties, but lately it has become increasingly difficult. I don’t want to be fearful of change. I don’t want to be stuck where I am for the rest of my life. I want to create a life that I do not need to “escape” from.
The phrase, “feel the fear and do it anyway” springs to mind here, but is that oversimplifying it? I guess sometimes it is the only way, otherwise we would not progress at all.
We’ve got to be stronger than our fears; have comebacks ready for any doubts; and have the discipline to just keep going. It’s not easy, but I am trying.
Why should the idea of making a change in my own life, for something I actually want render me silly with anxiety, make me question my strength and dreams? A life spent where I do not wish to be, is no life at all, so why can’t anxiety just fuck off? Let me get on with it. My rational side knows that is it better to fail at a dream than it is to not even bother attempting it, so why does my body bring about doubts and irrational thoughts, a racing heart and light-headedness? It’s such a power struggle in my head sometimes.
We all have bad days when it comes to our mental health, so I’m trying not to lose heart. I’m preparing myself to be much stronger, and much more disciplined with my achieving of life goals. Something has got to give, and I’m not prepared to lose out and stay in a job that is slowly eating away at my health and happiness.
Nothing changes, if nothing changes with us.
© The Motivation Project 2019